Sr Malen Java, RC obtained her Master of Arts in Theological Studies degree from Loyola School of Theology, Ateneo de Manila University, in 1998. She is currently Regional Superior for the Region of Cenacle Asia and teaches part-time at the Institute for Consecrated Life in Asia.
When I was invited to share this afternoon, little did I know that my preparation would turn out to be a re-visiting not only of the many years I studied in LST, but also of some personally significant years before and after that time. It became an opportune time to re-view my life so I could make heart-sense of how God had been moving me especially those times when I was not aware of it.
When I came to enroll in LST, it had been more than 10 years since I was in an academic setting. Many of the professors who are now teaching here were scholastics then! Some were my classmates in one or the other course I took. Even the silver jubilarians — Fr. Joe Q and Fr. Tony Moreno — were my classmates. As far as I am concerned, if a former classmate asks me to do some sharing, how can I say No?
After making first profession, I was missioned to our retreat house. I came to LST on a part-time basis mainly to find some answers and to have a break from the hectic routine of seeing retreatants day in and day out. At times I found myself floundering in questions of faith of those I accompanied. I felt a sense of inadequacy and I knew I needed a more solid theological basis for my ministry of spiritual accompaniment.
I only took one subject per semester, two at most. Initially I had no intention of finishing a degree since I already had a graduate degree before I entered. I knew I needed theological updating, not another degree. Yet, at some point when I came to enroll, I was told that I just needed to take a few more subjects and I could finish with an MA in Theological Studies. I also was urged, relentlessly and not so gently, by my Sisters to go for it and have closure on this part of my life! But that meant a protracted struggle to finish a degree in the midst of a very busy ministerial life and on top of that I had a change of assignment while in the midst of writing my paper!
What has stayed with me 20 years after I finally finished this unintended degree? Some significant memories stand out for me. I was a student here in the late 80s to the early 90s a time when the Philippines was going through very challenging and insecure political times! The struggle to respond was part of the ambience that I came in contact with here. For me, the work of faith and justice while in LST resulted in engagement with Simbahang Lingkod during the numerous coups d’etat of the late 80’s, joining the rallies and marches in the company of the Jesuit scholastics, attending evening meetings of Gomburza with some of my Sisters and being called “Gombursha”!.
Studying in LST was more than attending formal classes. Studying was intertwined with praxis, especially as there was actual weaving of the challenges of the political struggle out there and theology studied in the classroom. Previous to this, some well-meaning Jesuit friends had commented that the Cenacle vocation and our ministry of spiritual accompaniment have been too focused on the individual person, that it was too personal and there was not enough dimension to it. Personally, opportunity for augmenting the perceived lacuna presented itself while I was in LST. Yet, in this work for social justice, I knew spiritual discernment had to be factored in.
Article 12 of our Cenacle Constitutions states: “With confidence in the abiding and transforming presence of the Holy Spirit in our world, we participate in the spiritual renewal of the human heart so that peace and justice may reign. This challenges us to search for the roots of injustice and hatred and war, evils which spring from human hearts, and to recognize the manifestations of them. (It calls us) to engage in the struggle for justice in all ways that are consonant with our vocation”.
The political situation at that time was reminiscent of what I had been caught up in when I was a college student during the martial law years. The ambience in LST then especially outside the formal classes brought back a lot of memories of my past experiences of raw idealism, intense love of country and the impulsive passion of youth that tragically turned then petered out. What started out in my more idealistic years as a bang ended in a bitter whimper!
LST then was also into nationalism with some courses taught in Filipino. Translation projects as course requirements were undertaken. Terms like: Contextualization, filipinization, integration of faith and justice were in the air. LST found itself a player in the events that were happening in the country.
The different involvements I found myself in (though very limited I admit) gave me a different perspective through which I could listen and respond to the call to live my faith commitment that included the work of social transformation through group political action as a Cenacle Sister. As Fr. Arrupe once said: “We cannot separate action for justice from the proclamation of the Word of God”. I got hold of what had been missing when I was politically engaged as a young student activist. It sorely lacked the element of spiritual discernment. The personal experience of being disillusioned became a sobering impetus to live out what I earlier quoted from the Cenacle Constitutions: to search for the roots of injustice and hatred and war, evils which spring from human hearts to engage in the struggle for justice in all ways that are consonant with our vocation.
Getting involved brought a particular perspective in accompanying those who were in the forefront of the political struggle. During these challenging times my Sisters witnessed to me how the Cenacle has its own unique niche in the work of social transformation. It turns out that what was perceived as a lack or weakness in us was actually the strength of our particular charism. I came out of this time more affirmed and secure in my ministry of individual spiritual accompaniment. It made me see the importance of providing the safe and welcoming space to listen to and listen with the other so as to discern God movements in one heart in the midst of the turbulence of the work for social justice. My theology classes especially my Scripture courses gave me helpful tools in discernment during those challenging times.
The discernment needed then and most especially now, needs the spiritual stance that the German theologian, Johann Baptist Metz, calls a mysticism of open eyes. It is “a God-mysticism with an increased readiness for perceiving, a mysticism of open eyes, which sees more and not less. It is a mysticism that especially makes visible all invisible and inconvenient suffering, and convenient or not, pays attention to it and takes responsibility for it, for the sake of a God who is a friend to human beings” (Quoted from an article by Kevin Burke, “Love Will Decide Everything: Pedro Arrupe recovered the Ignatian ‘mysticism of open eyes”, America Magazine. https://www.americamagazine.org/issue/633/article/love-will-decide-everything [Accessed 12 November 2018]).
In the years before coming to LST, I had already been giving directed retreats which use Scriptures as suggested material for prayer of the retreatant. Somehow I felt that how I gave prayer points could be enriched if I knew more about the Word of God. Of course, I used Scriptures for my personal prayer and yet I would get the intuitive sense that there was a depth that God was drawing me to move into. This restlessness impelled me to take courses in Scriptures taught by Fr. Vic Salanga, SJ who had just returned from his studies in Rome. I was not disappointed. I fell in love with the Old Testament. When I recall those Scripture classes I remember how I would often feel like I was making a retreat. The lectures inevitably invited me to prayer
Subsequently, giving retreat points, my own prayer, my life as a Cenacle Sister became more grounded more expanded. It called forth creativity from me in helping another situate their personal journey of searching for God into the greater narrative of a people journey in becoming the people of God.
As I listened to a retreatant or directee share their story, I was helped by the biblical narratives to suggest ways to reflect read one journey to pray over one experiences to discern the presence of God in one story. Stories that I heard in accompaniment found resonance in the stories I studied. I began to recognize familiar patterns that were imbedded in the stories in Scriptures. These certainly helped me to stay with another and be more sensitive and alert to the patterns of God at work in human experiences
A great chunk of my ministerial life has been doing spiritual accompaniment in the context of religious formation both initial formation and continuing formation. Long ago, LST offered a course entitled Anthropology of Christian Vocation with Fr. Roger Champoux, but I don’t think it was offered again. Cenacle formation subscribes to this approach. Going through that class gave me a chance to re-read my own experience of religious formation against the backdrop of this paradigm. I still have my notes from that class handouts, test papers and all. My Sisters are convinced I am a frustrated archivist!
In my subsequent roles in formation and in leadership, what I learned from this class proved to be an invaluable map and compass — especially when I had to make difficult decisions about people. When called to accompany another in the context of religious formation, whether in the Cenacle or with other congregations, I felt a more secure foothold in the complicated work of vocation discernment. I learned that I could trust my intuition which could be verified and checked against a paradigm that gave me a better understanding of the inner dynamics of a person. This continues to be for me an important guide in the ongoing discernment in formation and in leadership.
My experience of accompaniment in formation is grounded in the integration of the social sciences, spirituality and theology. It provided me with a holistic lens to view the human journey of finding God and discerning God calls in life and what could possibly block it. This is a great help in discernment since we deal with many dimensions in the God-human relationship. As I listen in accompaniment, I am invited more and more to have a healthy respect for the many new discoveries of the social sciences but always keeping in mind that there is a transcendent horizon in all these.
Going through the discipline of formal course work was good for me, something I unexpectedly enjoyed because I was taking courses I wanted to learn from and I had excellent teachers. It was an experience of being ushered into an exciting world where the theories I studied were grounded in lived reality with the vibrant God-horizon always in view.
Cardinal Tagle had just gotten back from his studies in the US and I was very privileged to have been in his two classes on Ecclesiology. He even ended up being mentor for my paper. Looking back now, I can say he mentored me in more ways than I bargained for! What a kind and patient man!
Even then he was already shuttling back and forth from Tagaytay where he was rector of Tahanan ng Mabuting Pastol to LST in public transportation at that! He was also regularly flying the Philippines-Rome route for his special mission as papal theologian. His lectures were always full of engaging stories that brought vitality and life into what could easily have been abstract concepts about the church. Some were the backstories of some meeting with the Pope and with the other theologians. Even then, he would tear up when telling his stories and a profound silence would descend upon the class! The distant and forbidding institution, Church suddenly had its own story. What strongly stayed with me is his deep love for the Church with its light and shadows, founded on his love for Jesus! It was inspiring and contaminating. Those classes were very formative in ways that would bear fruit for me many years later.
I came out of that time finding my voice and my place in the Church in this part of the world. It clarified for me the insidiousness of clericalism and gender issues which I felt strongly called to unmask. I became more comfortable in my own skin even when I was among real giants (and supposed giants) in the Church. I struggled to find the lived meaning of “we are all brothers and sisters of equal dignity with different roles to play”, that “‘equal’ does not mean ‘the same'”. It had to be undergirded with the love of Jesus that even now continues to challenge me to respect and accept the other. I needed to have gone through all these because it colors how I am called to accompany another.
This certainly prepared me for the very challenging ministry of accompaniment of priests with so-called special needs. There was a period in my life when I was so immersed in this ministry that my Sisters said I probably had a vocation to the priesthood! This special ministry confronted me with the reality of a very flawed Church as I found myself called to tend the bleeding wounds of the human-ness of its pastors. Strangely, whenever I am in this special moment of accompanying a priest who struggles to be vulnerable and transparent within his story, it is then that I experience myself as being “truly Cenacle”.
As Cenacle Sisters we draw inspiration for our life and ministry from the example of Mary in the Upper Room, the Cenacle … an older Mary — not the usual younger Mary with a baby or a child in her arms but an older woman … alone while being with others … One who was no stranger to suffering and to mystery … one who continued to treasure these things in her heart in deep silence holding in her vast heart-space the broken disciples of her Son — being with each one in their stories of friendship with Jesus and stories of tragedy and brokenness … the Woman who listened deeply to God in her heart thus enabling others also to listen deeply for God in their hearts in their stories.
I consider the spiritual accompaniment of priests especially the broken and struggling priests a privileged yet difficult and costly ministry. It seems to me that all the fruits of my theological studies, my experiences and formation as a Cenacle Sister are necessary ingredients in this hidden vocation.
When all is said and done, I can say that my heart’s desire in engaging in this ministry of spiritual accompaniment can be captured in a description made about Fr. Arrupe which I would like to borrow and adapt: I pray, dear Jesus, that in this call to labor with You I can in my own small way “help others find God in this broken world, to become a person who finds God in others and a person who learns, above all, to trust love” (Ibid.).
Thank you.
